yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
