Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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