So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
