fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
