Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
