ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
