Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
