I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
