I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
