they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
