dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
