Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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