why didn't you poke me back
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
