Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
