You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
