To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
