I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
