You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
