Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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