Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
