you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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