Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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