My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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