on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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