im six kinds of drunk right now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
