Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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