This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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