Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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