Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
