your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
