Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
