Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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