ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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