I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize