Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
