Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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