dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
