haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
