I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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