So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
