you have to choose: penises or morals?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
