So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
