The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
