the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
