yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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