I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
