Capitaan dildo arrescate!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
