Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
