I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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