oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
