so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
