Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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