I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
