I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
