I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
