The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
