I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize