he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
