I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Houston, we have a squirter
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
