Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
