And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
