omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
