I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
