tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
