i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
