Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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