Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
