can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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