i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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