i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
