haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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