My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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