We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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