I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
