FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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