I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
